So, its been a while since we've posted.

We left Bolivia on September 1 and have spent the last several weeks regaining our senses, quite literally - our senses of place, of self, of rest and trust.

We have, in all of this, made the decision not to renew our contract with WMF Bolivia and are searching for a place to make home in the old country. It's quite a journey, one Wes and I are joyfully and painstakingly making together, having not shared life here before.

Here's a reflection I wrote a couple weeks back.

I think I may have said faithfulness was my path,
when really I was just being
stubborn,
obstinate,
right,
determined.

I think I may have thought that His favor,
His pleasure, would come through
my misery
instead of our intimacy.

If ever I ran away from home
in the direction of Egypt
expecting that you might delight in
my futile straw gathering,
brick baking,

Now I set down
the itchy straw
and begin picking the mud
from between my fingers.

I tighten my sandals,
turn around,
and begin the long journey home,
back to Israel,
back home,
back through the land
where snakes linger,
lions lurk.

The road toward slavery,
when I turn around,
becomes the road to my salvation.
The very same road.

So I turn,
breathe deeper,
and try quiet trust
(which looks nothing like strength).

I demount, let go.
I take down my tattered flag,
drop it there
and stumble back.

Drawn back down this road
by Your longing,
in Your kindness,
Your grace.

You rise.
I fall.

[On Coming Home, reflections on Isaiah 30:1-18]

So these are indeed trying times. I find myself in a thousand internal emotional negotiations in any given moment.
Today, a friend picked Plan B off my bookshelf and read herself a chapter. Apparently she came across a quote I had underlined and decided I needed to hear today:

Good therapy helps. Good friends help. Pretending that we are doing better than we are doesn't. Shame doesn't. Being heard does. - Anne Lamott

I know that there are many who still claim that global warming is a myth, or at least that the idea of an ecological footprint isn't likely - that if the earth is warming, it has very little to do with our practice.

I tend to believe in connectedness and think that our greed has consequences on many levels, the created world being one of the grounds.

We're thankful for the choices that are made for us on a daily basis, having chosen to live among the poor, we rely on public transportation (not that emissions testing in El Alto has really caught on), largely local food sources, and very limited energy use... which brings me to last night.

June 23 in Bolivia is known as the festival of San Juan. A Christian adaptation, it follows closely on the heels of the Aymaran New Year, which corresponds with the winter solstice, and really is a celebration of all things together. Being the longest night of the year, it also bears the tradition of being the coldest and so bonfires are the focus of the fiesta. People traditionally light fires in the streets, roast hot dogs and set off fireworks. In recent years, however, the department of La Paz/El Alto has attempted to crack down on smoke pollution and began threatening 1000 Boliviano ($145) fines for burning, which on my street, for example brought the number down from 14 to 2 visible burnings in just the last couple years. But we find our ways... Many have taken to lighting their folgatas inside property walls, in front yards, on patios, away from the watchful eye of police. We (guilty) stayed inside and partied around the fireplace. Multiply my guilty contribution by 2 million people, and well...

This morning we woke to a sky less smoke-filled than we remember in years past. And yet, our temperature which has consistently been hovering in the mid 30's (F) for the past 4 weeks or so registered a steamy 42 degrees this morning (this, by the way, is inside our bedroom). And I will admit, it felt good - or at least better. But when I look past my own room, over my neighbors houses, lift my eyes up to the mountains and can visibly register the shrinking glaciers, I feel sad... and responsible.